I would like talk about my family today.
Almost 60 years ago in Japan,most father were majestic and they had power of determination for anythings in family.
Especially my father was a typical "samurai" style person to our family.
His words to my mother are "Tea, beer, lunch, dinner, bath",5 words only,that all.
That mean "bring the tea or beer for me now" " I want to eat lunch or dinner now"
" I want to take bath now, so check the temperature and bring my towel"
My mother answered "yes", then she have to move right away.
Even she was doing something for her children,
she have to stop it and do whatever my father want to do.
Yes! just like his maid.
So, when my father was not home, we were wheedling children to our mother,
or I could fight with my brother and sister with enjoyment.
My mother and our children had pleasant time together without my father.
But, since we hear the sound of entrance door open, all children run away to the rooms and pretend like studying. We could hear the voice of my father "bath" to my mother.
I don't understand how they could make three children together.
Anyway, we couldn't talk back to my father in any case.
His answer was last decision for our family.
And sometimes my mother and our children got acts of his violence.
I was a different Japanese girl.
I start to talk back to my father when I start to understand about our human relationship.
Only my father is working for our family, so we can eat and live in our house.
My mother never divorce with my father because she can not go back her parent's home.
Her eldest brother kept their family name, house and business.
No place to live for my mother and his brother got huge family.
When I waked up for restroom in midnight, I saw my mother was crying at the corner of the kitchen so many times.
I talked to my mom "why don't you get divorce and get marry with another man."
She said to me " I can bear anything for my children, at least until my girls can get marry with nice family"
That time, marriage mean matching of one family and another family.
My father had pretty good name as a famous CPA.
Whenever I talk back to my father, he hit my face and he said"if you don't change your disobedient behavior to the men, your future husband will hit you."
My father want to say " he try to change my disobedient behavior with his violence now, otherwise my future husband will give same violence to me."
What kind of world is this!
I learned from my father so strongly, " even women should make money and express their ideas to anybody and anytime."
"Freedom mean responsibility"
Now I understand my father loved me so much with his age's way.
He didn't know how to express his love to our family, he grow up also with his age's way.
I am so appreciate for my father because he made me so independent woman.
May be too independent.
I am still a single mother.
But I had a wonderful family with my son.
We can talk, give a hug and laugh each other.
And I can say to him " I love you so much and I can die for you anytime"
I think, may be my father felt something different feeling for my future.
I know I couldn't come to L.A all by myself without my father's nurture.
My father live in the heaven now.
I talk to my father and read the sutra of buddhist every days.
" I love you dad"
Have happy holidays everybody!
Keiko
I made sushi roll for my friend's party tonight.
